slowly learning how to be happy

It's hard to bring myself to write about happiness,
because I spent so much time sifting through bitterness
that I forgot what it felt like to care about someone until I fell so hard
in front of a red brick building that I completely forgot how to hurt.

It's been ages since I've been able to walk past
Academic building with a smile on my face
when I see Sully and think of camaraderie.

I admit that I still have moments
where I find myself worried that
I have forgotten how to be happy

but there is a contentedness that I am able to detect
when I am just vulnerable enough to let you hold me.

I lost myself picking stars out of the gleam in your eyes
somewhere between acoustic guitar chords
and lying peacefully in country hillsides
just far away enough from the glare of city lights
to see you bathed in the aura of the moon.

We climbed the ladders of the fire escapes while interlocking fingers
and for once, I didn't have to worry about falling for someone.
I fell backwards into space amidst the gravel on the top of Doherty,
and found that contemplating my day by myself was overrated
when I was finally caught by you and entangled myself in your arms.
Rocks bit at our elbows, but I didn't mind running my fingers
through pebbles to caress the side of your face.

Although it's difficult to admit, I find that companionship
on top of buildings has served me well, because perching alone
under the Century tree has only served to deter my fate.