writer's block

I haven’t written for entirely too long
Staring at blank pages that form the
Thinly veiled outline of your face
Taunting me as you juxtaposed lyrics with writer’s block

And, when I lay my head on your shoulder
You smell of all things that are warm in the world
Of comfort, and belonging, and
Puke in the trashcan from a hangover

‘Cause somewhere
Between the too few words spoken and too many rum and cokes
We found ourselves able to express emotions we displaced on each other
The way that a poem never comes to you no matter how much you beg it
Until it strikes you in the head with a flash of sudden inspiration
And you’re shaking until you can wrap your hands around a pen

And wrap your arms around me
The way you swore you’d never let go
Because we were here and now
And you were scared we’d never be again
That you’d
Lose me when morning came

The little flash of humanity that sparks a line
That starts the cogs in your brain
Forming a three minute ten second piece that spills my heart out and
Returns to me in the form of your scores

Your numbers dialing home in my head
My sage
My saint
My spell cast over me
That you would bring lyrical inspiration
Showering me in eloquent promises of some magical effect on my verses
Swearing that my sentences would flow
And my diction would be pristine
My serendipitous muse painting me romantic visions of a quixotic saviour
Just over the horizon that never quite arrived
Because morning dawned on two scared human beings
Who really never knew each other
(‘Cause we were here and now
But we won’t ever be again)

I haven't found myself
I have not
Found myself
Amidst all this chaotic jumbles of verses in my mind
Searching for some penchant of truth and liberation from you
From the ghosts in my past that race behind me
Pounding on the doors of closets where skeletons still rattle close to my heart

I have not found myself
Searching for a replacement for you in my past
For you in my mind
This reality of you I’ve constructed that you’ll never live up to
Relying on other people to solve the problems I can’t deal with

I have not found myself
Wanting to see you as badly as I have tonight

Staring at
Blank pages that formed the thinly veiled outline of your face
Taunting me
As you juxtaposed lyrics with writer’s block