the little demon on my shoulder

it's been years since I substituted
my insouciance towards carcinogens
with spoken lyricism

and while I always attributed my tremors
to nicotine addiction

tonight was a night where even
the dying embers
of the eve's last cigarette
couldn't shake off heart palpitations
that can't help but wonder if you will skip a beat
in the rhythm of abandonment

because I am so disused
to the susceptibility of attachment
that I have become inured to the grasp
of chemicals around my throat
to soothe broken muses
that refuse to let me sleep

and it's been almost a year since we touched,
but your oaths of contrition make my head spin
with broken record promises; make me
wonder about the time you taught me to

never-hang-on
but I have yet to
let
go